The Art of Nonversation and Business Speak: When Words Mean Nothing While Saying…Well…Nothing

“Language doesn’t exist to oppress us. It exists to promote the clarity of expression.” - John Green. 

I love John Green. He’s my favorite internet personality turned author (in the order I discovered him). And boy, do I wish I had stumbled across him years ago, not considering how, like, time actually works. 

When I was diagnosed with autism nearly two decades ago, nobody warned me about the final boss of corporate communication: Nonversation. No amount of 6 years of education would prepare me for meetings where people speak in an endless stream of buzzwords and circular references, like a chatbot trained exclusively on LinkedIn posts and motivational posters.

What the Hell is a Nonversation?

Nonversation is what happens when people exchange words without exchanging meaning. It's corporate small talk's final form, where phrases like "let's circle back" and "put a pin in it" fill the air. Nothing is said, but somehow, it took an hour to say it.

Recent studies show that this isn't just my cynical observation. According to Atlassian, 78% of surveyed employees feel they're expected to attend so many meetings that it's hard to get their work done, with unproductive meetings contributing significantly to this challenge. That's not just time wasted; it's cognitive energy spent decoding meaningless phrases.

(Other examples of nonversation outside of this post include talking about the weather on an elevator ride, acknowledging cold weather when it’s winter, and doing any other exchange just to pass the time without real engagement. Honestly, any discussion about the weather is Grade A Certified Nonversation.)

Examples of Prime Nonversation:

• "Let's take this offline." (Translation: I don't want to deal with this)
• "Let's sync up." (Translation: I'm going to schedule another meeting)
• "Let's socialize this." (Translation: Watch me start drama in other departments)
• "Let's take a holistic approach." (Translation: I have no specific plan but want to sound strategic)
• "We need to be more agile." (Translation: I'm about to make everyone's life harder while pretending it's an improvement)
• "Let's put a pin in it." (Translation: Never gonna happen)
• "Let's circle back." (Translation: I hope you forget about this)

The Evolution of Business Speak: From Clear to Confused

The rise of nonversation didn't happen overnight. Organizational studies show how corporate language has become increasingly abstract and context-dependent. What started as straightforward workplace language has mutated into something far more complex and cognitively demanding.

This transformation accelerated in the 1980s with the influence of management consulting firms like McKinsey & Company and Boston Consulting Group. As these firms grew, the need to justify consulting fees contributed to an increase in abstract and technical-sounding language. Terms like "right-sizing" and "optimize operational efficiency" became popular, replacing more direct language such as "layoffs" and "cut costs." 

Modern tech culture has only amplified this trend. Research suggests that jargon can decrease comprehension and reduce engagement. For neurodivergent employees, particularly those on the autism spectrum, jargon-heavy communication poses a significant barrier to understanding and can create cognitive stress.

It's like serving a McRib and calling it 'artisanal restructured pork innovation' - you're not fooling anyone; you’re just making everyone work harder to understand that you're serving them garbage.

Why This Is a Problem

For autistic individuals, this isn't just annoying – it's a cognitive challenge. Research shows that individuals with autism spectrum disorder often experience challenges with figurative language comprehension, making abstract language especially difficult. In other words, our brains are wired to expect words to mean what they actually mean. Revolutionary concept, right?

Survey Says: Words Should Mean Things

• Autistic individuals often experience increased challenges when processing figurative versus literal language, with studies indicating this requires additional cognitive resources. 
• The additional cognitive load of deciphering figurative language creates measurable stress responses in workplace situations.
• Many autistic adults with university degrees experience employment challenges, with communication barriers being a significant factor.

The Cognitive Load of Translation

Every time someone says, "Let’s blue sky this," my brain goes through the following process:

1. Parse literal meaning (Discussion about the color of the sky?)
2. Recognize it's not literal (Oh, right, business speak)
3. Search the internal database of buzzword translations
4. Process actual intended meaning
5. Form an appropriate response
6. Question career choices

All this happens while trying to maintain eye contact at the culturally appropriate level and remembering not to info-dump about actual blue sky research in atmospheric sciences. Research indicates that this type of constant translation creates significant cognitive overhead for autistic individuals.

Why Do We Do This?

Organizational behavior researchers have shown several reasons for business speak's persistence:

• Status Signaling: Complex language often serves as a form of in-group signaling among business professionals, creating additional barriers for those who process language literally.
• Uncertainty Avoidance: Complex language sometimes masks uncertainty. "Let's circle back" sounds better than "I don't know."
• Responsibility Diffusion: Vague language makes it harder to assign responsibility. "The initiative wasn't optimally activated" somehow sounds better than "You failed."
• Fear of Direct Communication: Corporate culture often rewards indirect communication, perceiving it as more "professional," though this directly contradicts the communication preferences and needs of autistic individuals in the workplace.

The Cost of Clarity Avoidance

Poor communication isn't just a personal annoyance. It costs companies millions per year. As Grossman found, small companies with around 100 employees lose an average of $420,000 annually due to poor communication. More importantly, it creates unnecessary barriers for neurodivergent employees who are already navigating a workplace that wasn't designed for them.

A Plea for Literal Speech

Unnecessary jargon actively reduces engagement and creates cognitive barriers. Here's a radical idea: what if we said what we meant? Or better yet: “say it with ya chest." (IYKYK)

Instead of: "Let's circle back and touch base to ideate on this paradigm shift,"  

Just say: "I'll schedule another meeting to discuss this change."

Not, "Let's put a pin in it while we right-size our bandwidth,"  

Try: "We don't have time for this right now."

Maybe instead of: "Let's socialize this with key stakeholders,"

We try: "I'm going to tell everyone and see what drama unfolds."

Instead of saying, "We need to open the aperture on this strategic initiative,"

Say, "I don't like your idea and want you to come up with different ones."

Instead of: "Let's take an agile approach to this transformation,"

Just say: "We're going to keep changing the requirements until you quit."

Instead of "We should leverage our core competencies,"

Try, "Please just do your job."

Bottom Line Up Front-ish

Look, nobody's winning awards for "Most Innovative Use of Corporate Buzzwords in a Meeting That Could Have Been an Email." Although, let’s not put it past some Beltway publication to offer this award to each company willing to pay $10,000 for guaranteed “reach.” But here's the thing - this isn't just about annoying your coworkers. McKinsey's 2012 study shows that when teams actually understand what the hell each other is saying, productivity jumps by 25%. That's not just a number - that's a quarter of your workday not spent decoding what someone meant by "let's parallel path this mission-critical deliverable."

The Economist Intelligence Unit backed this up in 2018, proving what we all secretly knew: unclear communication kills projects, tanks morale, and loses sales. It's like a game of telephone where everyone's speaking a different corporate dialect, and somehow, "we need to fix this bug" becomes "let's ideate on optimizing our defect remediation paradigm."

Next time you're about to "circle back," consider just saying what you mean—not because it's nice (though it is), but because it works. Clear communication isn't about preference—it's about getting stuff done. And while some of us might not say "thanks" in the expected way, we'll show our appreciation by actually understanding what you want and delivering it the first time.

And maybe, just maybe, we can finally get to applying our robust framework for leveraging synergistic communication paradigms.

(References Provided Inline)